5 Lb No Sugar Free Gummy Bears Review

The Reviews For These Sugar-Gratuitous Pasty Bears Will Have You In Tears Laughing

April 9, 2019

I will never swallow Gluey Bears (that I didn't purchase myself) ever again later on reading these hilarious horror stories due to the fearfulness that someone may take bought this particular brand by accident.

Amazon sells sugar-costless Gummy Bears that are basically laxatives that cause intense stomach problems. Some people ate them by blow, others took the challenge.

These are the reviews from Amazon. It didn't end well for anyone...

1. Information technology's all true.. all of it.

I ate 6 of these things to aid along in digestion. I figured it was a tastier manner to rid myself of a weeks worth of backup. I might as well have swallowed a nuclear flop and topped it off with an enema. The practiced news is my digestive system is back on track. The bad news is I will never eat another gummy conduct and may accept flushed function of my soul down the toilet. God speed my friends...

2. The results are noxious and disgusting. Use at your ain run a risk, and be prepared for a fate worse than death.

You do realize that these 'sugar free' bears have the exact same calories equally the regular Haribo gummy bears!

I foolishly ignored the warnings and purchased a v lb bag of these potent evil apparitions posing equally delectably tasty goodies.

The laxative effect of these 'sugar free gummy candies' is nuclear. I offset noticed rumblings as my intestines began a protest that escalated to world shaking levels. The gurgling and surging was grotesque. They continued to increase in both intensity and elapsing until the volume alerted all in the house of my impending explosion. Sphincter tightly clenched I urgently made the nearly awkward hurried hobbling walk to the bath. I arrived just barely in time equally the propulsion became a cataract which physically lifted me forcefully off the seat of the commode. Without being able to grasp and maintain butt to commode seat integrity I shudder to wonder the scope of destruction of the resulting explosiveness.

The stench quickly overcame the frazzle fan, passive air freshener, aerosol spray, and tightly airtight door. It was across awful. In an effort to salvage others in the house from a fate worse than decease, I even risked waddling to the door between liquid explosions to stuff a dampened towel to futilely seal the gap.

Several spiders which had made their home unnoticed in the exhaust fan housing dropped down stone cold dead. Doors slammed as my married woman and children instantly became refugees instantly grabbing hats and coats and fled seeking breathable air elsewhere. I was abased and left lonely to suffer my fate. The peculiar and noxious smell is putrid and penetrating. Information technology is worse than burnt hair.

These disgusting 'alleged candies' are really mislabeled 'prescription but colonoscopy evacuation materials' only one of which is necessary to thoroughly empty any colon prior to scoping. I wouldn't wish these on my worst enemy. Seriously if y'all are scheduled for a colonoscopy, drop me a line and I will transport you xx of these nuclear option bowel evacuation 100% guaranteed to cleanse your bowels and make you wish for an end to life. Save you money no prescription needed.

3. Nighttime of 1000 waterfalls

Well, I read the reviews...claiming accepted!

Final score - death bears seven...me 0.

You know how amazon gives you things that people too bought with your item...they should include some cottonelle wipes every bit a mandatory item with this.

My pre-colonoscopy meds were not every bit effective as the 40 bears I ate.

Why 40 you lot say? Well, I ate 5 and nil...10

Nothing. Kept on going. Got a little cocky and ate 10 straight. Now, I'm thinking I've won! 10 more...sure, and x more.

Information technology was at this betoken that I actually read the packaging. It actually says may have a laxative effect.

And here comes the night of a thousand waterfalls.

Don't do the challenge. I thought they were all making stuff upwardly.

iv. Like Distant Thunder

It all started at 6 in the morning. The night before ane of my hunting buddies had bought these without noticing that they wjere sigar complimentary. He'southward 1 of those guys always reading virtually the effects of food and dieting and stuff, and refused to swallow them claiming they would male person you gain wait. So he gave them to me.

I was out in the deer woods far from any toilet, or toilet paper. If I could go back in fourth dimension I would accept ran my friend over on tje manner, or made sure my parents had never met, because afterward just 5 or so of these hell aptitude demon possesd spawn of satan bears, I knew I should have read the comments earlier taking these off my friends hands.

It all started with A low rumble, like afar thunder, or the mating call of a rhinasurous. I was sure it would scare away whatsoever deer with in a five mile radius.

But it didn't stop at that.

My intestines began to move within of me like snakes after eating cherry bombs. My soul itself seemed to be working its way through my bowls. Past then I knew I had to become out of that tree stand, just by then I knew it was too tardily. I fabricated a break for information technology merely as the sun began to rise. I ran like a mad man in a way that I can just describe as a significant, ostrich sasqatch women. I had but made information technology a few yards when Match himself shot out of me like a potatoe tied to a ceiling fan. I crumbled to the ground as I tried to rip off my extremely expensive no-scent cover-up hunting pants, but it was too belatedly. I stayed in that spot for what felt like hours. My life flashed before my eyes, and I relived the fourth dimension I caught my offset bass.

I prayed to God to kick a satellite from the sky to shell me, but my cries for mercy where coverd past the explosions of Satan yet coming from my body. The stuff coming out of me would have defenseless fire if yous'd struck a lucifer any where well-nigh it.

As I saturday with my tormented thoughts, I saw the biggest buck I take ever seen in my life (well-nigh a 12 or 14 bespeak) walk slowly past my tree stand. A FLIPPEN PURFECT SHOT. I sat in a puddle of mt ain defeat tryimg not to suffacate on the fumes coming from the tainted turds. Subsequently what seemed like an eternity I managed to waddle back to my brand new truck, where I had no other dress, or anything to clean myself with. The olfactory property of my truck and the butt stains left on my once purfect seats will forever torment my dreams. I take gone through an eternity of air fresheners and nix has worked. When always someone has to bulldoze with me and they inquire what happened to my truck, I tell them a really long story about how I deliverd a calf in the middle of the night.

v. Just don't. Unless it's a gift for someone you hate.

Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me afterward eating these. The Gummi Deport "Cleanse". If you are someone that tin can tolerate the sugar substitute, relish. If y'all are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

Start of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. And so good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

But (or should I say Barrel), not long after eating about twenty of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've e'er imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating across my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

And so came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in 1 room for fear of succumbing to my ain odors.

But expect; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee harbinger. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my fragile starfish was a gaping maw projectile airsickness a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a flake humorous (for a nanosecond)as information technology was simply across anything I could imagine possible.

AND It WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I call back might have been former in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking succulent-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend almost what happened to me, thinking information technology HAD to exist some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my easily.

Giddy woman. All of the same for her, and a phone phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sis was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since in that location was still 99% of a five pound bag left. She works for a structure company, where in that location are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who by and large have limited admission to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that solar day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can brand it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you gild these, best of luck to you lot. And delight, don't mail a video review during the aftershocks.

6. Fierce laxative

Bought based on ratings. Had a handful, had to have a sick twenty-four hour period.

7. These are Skillful FOR LOSING 10 LBS through extreme bowel movements

Worth every cent for April Fools, I bought this these for the guys in my shop. Two other guys that were diabetics knew correct away what they were the balance had no clue. I get them , I mediately accept them out to the shop and say here you get guys I accidentally social club the sugar free on accident have at them. Immediately Clint starts eating them with no furnishings until after he leaves piece of work, I hear it is date night so he goes to consume with his married woman. He spends the whole dinner in the bathroom, he finally received a text saying I paid for the food I'm out in the car waiting, he spent his whole dinner on the toilet. Even on the manner back to town he must stop and apply their toilet again.

On Monday I detect all this out, he thinks information technology was merely bad McDonald'due south. He continues to swallow them on Monday, along with Eric who was absent-minded Fri. Hilarity ensues! The two have handfuls and handfuls. After lunch I hear Eric proverb he spent his whole lunch on the toilet and nothing only h2o is coming out! He tells me this as he'southward waiting for the bathroom in the shop. I asked him if he's ate the gummies. He says yes, and I laughed so hard my cheeks hurt. He immediately knows what's upward. At that moment Clint walks out the bathroom, and we both asked him if he's ate the gummies as well, he says yes also. I laughed and then difficult I cry. He still doesn't empathize and that's why.

I finally tell them that the sugar-free kind act as laxatives. Both immediately detest me.

It's days subsequently and my cheeks still hurt from laughing so much. Equally I watch Clint work for the rest of the mean solar day, I encounter he can not so much equally lift five pounds without the fear of farting or should I say sharting. He moves his work slowly inch by inch, panting heavily after every move. I can see information technology in his face he hates me then much. Eric on the other paw tells me he spends all day with his donkey cheeks sweating, and his belly gurgling. Past the cease of the day it burns to poop. The rest of the guys tell me I meet Clint and aric fighting over the bathroom, and at times prancing like a horse waiting for their plough.

After this is all happened, we warn Austin. Unaffected past the 5 he ate on Friday, he tries to be a badass and takes a handful and stuff them into his mouth. He is unaffected until that evening. He lives in a duplex next to another coworker with very thin walls. The co-worker tells me he tin hear him all dark long farting like a trumpet and yelling out f*** you I'k going to get you back. This is been the best money I've spent in a long fourth dimension. And I yet have half a pocketbook left.

8. The effects are indeed very real

And so I read thru a lot of the reviews here and decided it might be a fun prank item to purchase, since I'm an evil human being. I received my 5lb handbag ii days after ordering. At present I was somewhat sceptical, especially since my own digestive organization is fairly robust. It takes some potent stuff to give me the runs. Some laxatives even have no event on me. So I tried them. I ate 5 bears before bed. Woke upward. Nothing. Thought to myself "Pfft these are weak" just they do gustatory modality amazing. And so I ate approximately 20 more than of them that forenoon.

In less than a half hour, my gut was rumbling. But information technology was just some gas. Meh. About some other half hour passed, then it striking me. Oh male child it hit hard. My gut felt similar Chuck Norris had reached his manus upwardly my anus and had roundhouse kicked my insides. I fabricated my way to the bathroom with a brisk walk. Saturday downward on the toilet. It took a few seconds, but then all hell broke loose. I've literally never had diarrhea that explosive before. Kid yous not, I sat there through 5 gnarly explosions before the flood gates opened and about a gallon and a half of pure liquid ran out of me.

I'm a firm believer in this products potential now and I'k bagging up the remainder of my 5lb bag to give to select friends and family. May fifty-fifty leave a bowl of them in the break room at work.

9. Considering after several hours all I actually experienced was some pretty foul flatulence

I knew what was coming the moment I swallowed one of these villainous bears. I had read the reviews, and I was prepared for the master cleanse. Merely I actually couldn't ready myself for the pain that was about to ensue. Nobody could possibly anticipate or fathom the hellish nightmare that is the saccharide gratis deliciousness of Albanese Sticky Bears.

I received the 5 pound bag and immediately grabbed a scattering of the little guys. Quite honestly, I thought I was immune to their powers, considering subsequently several hours all I really experienced was some pretty foul flatulence. And so, I thought that I was hot shit and had Four more handfuls. I am non certain what I was thinking. After this, I laid downward and began to fall asleep. It was near 9:thirty in the evening.

Then it striking.

Noises. Oh my sweet Lord the noises. It sounded like an old jalopy on information technology'south last hoorah. My family unit idea the dog was fighting with a true cat and they were both were on the brink of death. Simply truly awful sounds.

Round ane hit like a freaking freight train. My feet actually were LIFTED off of the basis. I struggled to hold on. I've watched a lot of rodeo in my day, and the simply matter I could recall to do was grab onto the lesser of the toilet and ride that puppy out. I wish it was just an eight second ride. Round one was probably more like an eighteen minute ride, but who actually knows, considering I lost all concept of time for the duration. Information technology briefly slowed down, and thought for a fleeting moment, "Oh my lands, I retrieve the horror is over."

How ignorant I was.

The side by side racket to come up out of me can quite honestly only exist describe as if someone stuck a leaf blower straight into a porcelain bowl filled with the blubber of a baby seal on full blast. The acoustics were incredible.

This racket was inevitably the start of what I only could assume to be rounds two through seven. For the adjacent 6-8 hours, my body was ravaged, violated, and cartel I say maliciously raped by these damn things. I passed food I had eaten equally a small child, foods my female parent had eaten while I was in the womb, things my mother had eaten Earlier she was significant with me. Literally anything you can think of. Information technology merely kept coming. The worst part of the whole deal was that the gummies weren't chewed upwards like I assumed they would exist, because I vividly remember thoroughly masticating the hell bears. These little jokers reincarnated themselves inside of me and plummeted towards my sphincter like a hundred paratroopers jumping right into the middle of the Vietcong. I feared for myself physically. I am not sure how long I sat in agony of the throne that I used to call my happy place. I will forever have Vietnam level flashbacks anytime I await at the white porcelain. I will never exist the same after this gluey behave cleanse.

I continued to camp out on the toilet until I mustered up the backbone to clamber back to bed. Notwithstanding, when I attempted to stand, my legs buckled from weakness. I barbarous somehow under my sink. My face was buried in a mysterious pile of pubic hair and pocket-size, termite like bugs. Nevertheless not sure what that was about. Nonetheless, I was thankful for the pubic pillow God had given me. It was far ameliorate than the burning pain of the gummy bears on my sphincters. I stayed in this same position for the rest of the day.

I am currently in concrete recovery from this incident, although I will never recover completely mentally. This was a truly awful experience for both mind and body.

I gave his product 5 stars considering it did exactly what it was supposed to practice and more than: the Gummy Bear Master Cleanse for $21. 10/10 would recommend to a friend.

10. There Will Be Claret

So I bought a 5lb bag seeing if these little bastards held up to the Haribo sugar costless bears and male child...they did not disappoint. Having 5 is the happy medium, you go to snack on some yummy treats without the worry of soiling yourself. Anything over 5...you're on your own and may God exist with you! Full Disclosure: I am writing this review on my toilet, where I have been off and on for the past 3 hours. Today at work, I decided that I would be a brave male child and push button the limits of my body. So I ate roughly 25-30 of these cyanide pills.

2 Hours Later

What I tin can just depict as someone with a voodoo doll twisting me in half, hits me. "Ok boys, I'thousand headed home" I shout to my coworkers. I make it to my truck as the cramping intensifies. "Manageable" I say to myself, "I can surely brand the 15 minute trip home." Approximately 30 seconds afterwards, I am sitting within of a plastic shopping bag, completely convinced that I will not make it abode.

I MADE It!!! I gingerly walk into my home and up the stairs, all the while the sounds of a horribly executed exorcism are playing out in my twisted up gut. The second that I touch porcelain what tin can just be compared to dropping a Mentos into a 2 liter of Nutrition Coke followed. Unfortunately, this was only the first. Over the past iii hours, the eruptions accept been coming at a steady pace. My toilet/ass must be feeling what the Allied forces felt like against the German Blitzkrieg.

The horrendous audio of demons screaming in your gut, is like an warning clock without the snooze push button. Practise non lollygag when yous hear them chant, you just run. And this should become without saying, under NO CIRCUMSTANCES trust a fart! I cannot stress that last part enough. I hope that you heed my warnings and prepare properly. Treat this as if information technology were a blizzard and stock upward on only TP, forget the milk unless you are lactose intolerant and want the ultimate affluent.

All in all I give this product 5/5 stars and would recommend this to a friend. I am currently placing an order for another 5lb bag.

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